Post 3: Living by Your Values, Not Your Fears
Introduction
ERP teaches us how to face fears and resist compulsions, but it’s not just about “getting rid of anxiety.” If recovery were only about reducing symptoms, life might still feel empty. What really drives change is the shift from living under OCD’s rules to living guided by your values.
This post—the third in our OCD Series—introduces how Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) can strengthen ERP by helping you connect to what truly matters, so you live more by choice and less by fear.
How OCD Narrows Life
OCD is a master thief. It steals:
Time – hours lost to rituals and checking.
Freedom – avoiding places, people, or activities.
Meaning – focusing on safety instead of what’s important.
Over time, life becomes about avoiding anxiety rather than pursuing joy, connection, or purpose. Even when rituals “work,” they don’t bring fulfillment—just temporary relief.
Values vs. Fears
Here’s the turning point:
OCD says: “Stay safe. Be certain. Avoid risk.”
Values say: “Live fully. Be present. Choose what matters.”
Values are directions you move toward, not checkboxes you tick off. For example:
Value: Being a caring parent.
OCD rule: “Don’t touch your child until you’re 100% sure your hands are clean.”
Values-based action: Hug your child despite OCD’s fear.
By shifting focus to values, ERP becomes not just about tolerating anxiety, but about choosing a life worth living.
The ACT Model: Willingness + Values
ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) adds two powerful tools to ERP:
Willingness – saying yes to uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and sensations, instead of fighting them.
Values – clarifying what truly matters and letting that guide behaviour.
ERP + ACT together = I am willing to feel anxiety if it helps me live by my values.
Practical Ways to Connect to Values
1. Identify Core Values
Ask yourself:
What kind of person do I want to be?
What do I want my life to stand for?
If OCD wasn’t in charge, how would I spend my time?
Write down 3–5 top values (e.g., family, compassion, honesty, adventure, creativity).
2. Translate Values into Actions
Values only matter if they show up in behaviour. For example:
Value: Health → Action: Eating balanced meals even when OCD says food might be “contaminated.”
Value: Connection → Action: Spending time with friends instead of isolating to avoid intrusive thoughts.
3. Values as Motivation During ERP
When anxiety rises in exposures, remind yourself:
“I’m doing this so I can tuck my kids in without rituals.”
“I’m willing to feel this uncertainty to live more freely.”
Values give ERP purpose.
4. Daily Check-In
At the end of the day, ask:
Did I act more by OCD or by my values today?
Where did I choose avoidance? Where did I choose meaning?
What’s one small step I can take tomorrow toward my values?
Client Exercise: The Values Compass
Draw a compass with 4 quadrants labelled:
Relationships
Work/School
Health
Growth/Spirituality
In each, write 1–2 values-driven actions you want to take this week—even if OCD protests. Use this compass when planning exposures to remind yourself: ERP is not punishment—it’s practice for living freely.
Example: OCD vs. Values
OCD Rule: “Don’t take public transport—you might contaminate yourself and others.”
Value: Independence & Adventure.
ERP + Values: Riding the bus as an exposure, while focusing on the value of freedom to go where you want.
This turns ERP from a scary challenge into a step toward a richer life.
Integrating ACT into Exposures
Here’s a step-by-step:
Identify the exposure. (e.g., touching a bin without washing).
Name the anxiety. “Here’s OCD telling me I’ll get sick.”
Anchor to values. “I’m doing this because I want to spend more time with my kids, not washing.”
Stay willing. Notice the discomfort, breathe, and allow it to be there.
Reflect. Which part of today was values-driven, not OCD-driven?
Common Barriers
“But I don’t feel motivated.”
– Motivation often comes after taking values-based action, not before.“My values feel distant.”
– That’s normal when OCD has been in charge for years. Start small.“I still feel anxious even when I follow my values.”
– That’s okay. ACT isn’t about comfort—it’s about meaning.
Reflection Prompt
Journal on these questions:
What value is OCD pulling me away from most?
What is one small exposure I could tie to this value?
If I lived 10 years by my OCD rules, what would I lose? If I lived 10 years by my values, what might I gain?
Conclusion
ERP changes your relationship with fear. ACT changes your relationship with life. Together, they help you not only resist compulsions but also build a meaningful existence that OCD can’t control.
Living by values doesn’t mean anxiety vanishes. It means OCD no longer gets to dictate your choices—you do.
In Post 4 of the OCD Series, we’ll explore how to maintain recovery and prevent relapse, so your progress keeps building long after therapy ends.
